Well I can honestly say this was probably the second most challenging year in my career as a teacher. What got me through? Without a doubt it was my amazing students. What made this year so challenging? This was my first year in a classroom in this new district and let me tell you the requirements for students and teachers are significantly greater than what I was used to. Don't get me wrong I like high standards for both students and teachers, but what I learned this year is that sometimes the goals we set are very difficult to reach. It's like that one big bright red apple at the top of the apple tree. Let's face it there is only a certain amount of time in the day. So I spent the first 3/4 of the year feeling like a failure as I just couldn't fit in everything during the day that I needed to and the amount of time I needed outside of the classroom was about triple what I had needed for the last 10 years. I don't mind doing some work outside of school (we all know right or wrong that it's part of the job), but I really like my time with my family and I need time to relax. My personality is such that I want to be perfect (or as close as possible). So this idea that I was working very hard and still feeling like I stink was not good for making me feel awesome. I was faced with the fact that maybe I couldn't really do this thing I loved so much. Maybe I wasn't able to keep up with the changes and requirements. Let me just tell you that when you have changed careers and gone back to school to be a teacher and you are faced with the fact that maybe you aren't good enough, well let's just say it was/is heartbreaking. I had wanted to be a teacher since I was five!
Then one day I stepped back looked at my students and my teaching history and realized that what I was doing WAS enough and had been for 10 years. My students had always made progress and were as well behaved as they needed to be. So maybe I can't do every little thing that people outside of the classroom want me to do, but in the end I know I am doing right by my students.
So with this new perspective I am at peace with who I am as a teacher. I might not be perfect, but I am doing my best for my students.
Writing Haiku poems on a beautiful day.
~Erica
